Invisible Giant Attacks
by Bobby South
Summary: There are massive attacks going all over the world and only Inspector Frost, Del Boy Trotter, Granville, Dangermouse, Count Duckula and the BFG among any others can solve this mystery in this live action/animation tribute to another one of my most favourite actors of all time: Sir David Jason.
1. Toad's Gold Rush

One summer day at Toad Hall in 1910s, Mr. Toad was making the most of the morning – lying on his deckchair in his garden. He was reading the newspaper, drinking eighteen bottles of lemonade and eating at least a dozen of cream cakes. It wasn't even ten o'clock.

Then something in the paper caught his attention. "By Jove! A gold rush in America? And there's more in New Zealand, Australia, Canada and Brazil among others. I wonder if there's one happening in England." He read more of the article, but there was no mention of an English Gold Rush. Then he turned his gaze to the riverbank and it gave him an idea. "I know. I could be the first one to start the English gold rush."

He went to his tool shed and got out his digging spade. "I can see it now: Toad's Gold Rush."

As he left Toad Hall for his new craze for gold rushing, he kept on boasting about he was going to make history. "I can see the history books. Toad the gold rusher. No, Toad the greatest gold rusher ever." He came across Billy Rabbit.

"Hello, Mr. Toad, sir," Billy said. "What are you going to do today?"

"I'm off to start a gold rush, Billy," Toad told him. "I can see there's gold that's waiting for me to dig up."

"But, Mr. Toad, sir, we don't have any gold here," Billy said.

"In that case, I shall have to dig even deeper in the riverbank," Toad said, trotting on. "Luckily, I ate those six cream cakes this morning to give me the energy."

"But, Mr. Toad, sir, that's not what I meant!" Billy tried to protest. "I meant there's no gold in the riverbank at all, sir." But that didn't stop Toad from moving. Then Billy thought of getting help. So he headed to Mole End first.

* * *

Toad found a spot and started to dig. "The British Gold Rush begins now."

Behind him were some bushes and out popped the heads of the Chief Weasel and his Weasel Henchman.

"Gold rush, eh?" the Chief said. "That gives me an idea."

"What is it, Chief?" the Henchman asked.

"We will help Mr. Toad on his gold rush."

"What are the rules of a gold rush, Chief?"

"There are no rules, you half-wit!" The Chief smacked the Henchman on the head. "Now, shut up and listen. This is what we're going to." Then he whispered into his ear.

"Ho, ho, very nice, Chief," the Henchman said. "Very nice."

"Well, what are you waiting for?" the Chief said. "Get going!"

"Right, Chief." And the Henchman ran off to do his tasks.

* * *

Billy reached Mole End and he knocked on the door. It opened up and out popped Mole. "Hello, Billy. We're having a tea party. Want to come in?"

"No, thank you, Mr. Mole. Sorry to interrupt your party, sir, but Mr. Toad is starting a gold rush, sir."

"A gold rush, you say, Billy?" Behind Mole popped Ratty.

"Yes, Mr. Rat. Mr. Toad is digging up the riverbank, sir. I tried to stop him, but he wouldn't listen, sir."

"Digging up the river bank?" Mole and Ratty moved out of the way to let Badger pass them. "We cannot have that. Come on, Ratty, Mole. We must stop him before it gets more out of hand. Thank you, Billy. Off you go now. We will sort Mr. Toad out."

* * *

"Boy, all of this digging is hard work. Maybe I should take a rest and see how far I've dug." Toad got out of the hole he had been digging and saw that he had dug only five inches. He checked his watch and saw he had spent only three hours digging those five inches. "Boy, this gold rush is more difficult than I thought."

"Perhaps we can help, Mr. Toad."

Toad jumped and turned around to see two figures wearing mining gears and helmets. This was of course the weasels in disguise, but Toad didn't recognise them as he never learnt to.

"Who are you?" Toad asked.

"We, Mr. Toad, are miners," the Chief said. "I am Mr. Longhon and this is my apprentice Mr. Brown."

"But I thought my name would be – Ow!" The Henchman's ear was grabbed by the Chief. "That's right. My name is Mr. Brown."

"And just how can you help me?" Toad asked.

"Well, Mr. Toad," the chief said, "we have managed to spot of an area of gold waiting for whoever digs it up."

"So you're in the gold rush as well?" Toad said.

"I wouldn't put it like that," the Chief said. "We are in a gold race."

"A gold race?"

"Whoever finds the gold gets to keep it. Fancy a challenge?"

"Sure."

"How about we make it more challenging? How about whoever finds the gold gets to keep Toad Hall as well?"

"That sounds very challenging. All right, let's do it."

"Terrific, Mr. Toad. Only an idiot would refuse this challenge."

"Well, then, it's lucky I'm a genius toad."

As Toad walked on, the weasels laughed cruelly behind the predicable toad's back.

* * *

"Great heavens!" Ratty cried. "Toad has really gone too far again."

He, Mole and Badger had been following a lot of holes. They were too much and so badly dug that they could tell that this was all Toad's doing.

"At least they're not too deep," Mole said.

"No, Mole, but he has made a mess of this beautiful land," Badger said. "Oh, that vain and foolish creature. When I get my hands on him, I'm going to ground him in Toad Hall for half a year. Just like his father did when he was extremely naughty."

Ratty kept on following the dug holes and then stopped. "Badger, I think they still lead into the wild wood. Which means – "

"Toad is in there," all three of them said together.

"Come on, let's get Toad out of there before he gets into deeper trouble," Badger said.

And they trod into the wild wood.

* * *

The weasels took Toad to a spot.

"This is the spot, Mr. Toad," the Chief said. "May the best digger win."

"Thanks," Toad said. "I will." Then he got digging.

Then the Chief turned to his Henchman. "Where is our fake gold?"

"It's in this area, Chief."

"I know that, you brainless moron!" The Chief grabbed him by the nose. "Where exactly did you plant it?"

"I buried it so deep I can't remember," the Henchman said.

"Oh, you pathetic idiot!" The Chief freed his nose and slammed a spade into his hands. "Well, don't just stand there! Get digging!"

"Right, Chief!" The Henchman got to work.

Toad and the Henchman was busy racing with their digging. They were digging like their futures depended on it… which they were.

"TOAD!"

Toad and the weasels turned around to see Badger, Mole and Ratty approaching them.

"Toad, what do you mean by digging up the river bank?" Badger demanded.

"I can't talk right now, Badger," Toad said. "I need to find the gold before my competitors do and take Toad Hall with it."

"Take Toad Hall?" Mole cried. "What are you talking about, Toad?"

"You haven't made a wager with the weasels, have you, Toad?" Ratty said.

"Well, I did kinda –"

"Oh, Toad!" Badger snapped. "You vain, foolish creature!"

"Anyway, what do you mean, 'weasels'?" Toad asked.

"Yeah, we're not weasels," the Chief lied.

"You two have always been terrible liars," Badger said. "And this game you're playing is getting too old."  
The Chief snarled as he took his disguise off. The Henchman took his off as well.

"All right, you got us," the Chief snapped. "But Toad and us made a deal together. He can't back out of it now. He has to find the gold all by himself. You can't – "

Mole stepped on a pile of leaves and heard something rattling under his foot. "I think I found something."

The Chief sneered. "Hey, you can't do that!"

"Why not?" Badger gave him a warning look.

When the Chief couldn't think of a reason, he went silent as Mole pushed the leaves away and found a large something that resembled gold a lot.

"Hey, that's where our fake gold is!" cried the Henchman.

But Toad was still digging.

"Toad, you won the challenge," Ratty cried.

"I found something," Toad said. "I've found a red emerald." He held it up in his hand.

"That's a ruby, you idiot," Ratty said. "Emeralds are sort of green."

"I knew that," Toad said.

"A ruby?" the Chief cried. He grabbed a spade and his Henchman. "Come on, let's get digging for more rubies."

"Oh, another challenge!" Toad cried.

"No, Toad!" Badger said warningly. "You've done enough. Now, you are going to fill in the holes that you dug up. And we will be watching. You will not go back to Toad Hall until they are all filled."

Toad sighed as he followed his friends to the holes he dug up and started to fill them in. Before he started to fill the first one in, he thought he put the ruby in his pocket but he didn't put it in properly and it slipped into the hole he was covering up.

After Toad and his friends left for the second hole, none of them knew about the first refilled hole glowing red briefly.


	2. Attacks in Transylvania

It was a lazy day in the 1980s London. In their sitting room in their pillar box on Baker Street, Danger Mouse was doing his stretching exercises and Penfold was playing with his cards. He was building a house of them.

Then the alarm on the TV screen went off. Penfold's house of cards fell down before he could put the last two on. "Oh, heck. My house of cards have fallen down, Chief."

"We'll sort your house of cards out, Penfold," Danger Mouse said as he got up. "After we deal with Colonel K."

Danger Mouse and Penfold arrived at the screen just in time to see Colonel K in his office.

"Can you hear me, DM?" Colonel K asked.

"Loud and clear, Colonel," Danger Mouse said.

"There have been attacks in Transylvania."

"Attacks, sir?"

"Oh, heck!" Penfold cried. "What kind of attacks are these, Colonel? Is it an insult to a celebrity or has a pizza slice been thrown onto someone?"

"Yes, is it an insult to a celebrity or has a pizza slice been thrown – " Then Danger Mouse realized what he was saying and turned to his assistant. "Penfold, shush!"

"These attacks are gigantic and no one can find out where or who they came from," Colonel K continued. "That's what I want you and Penfold to find out, DM."

"We're on it, sir. Come on, Penfold."

"Good luck," Colonel K said, before the screen turned off.

"What about my house of cards, Chief?" Penfold asked.

"More houses will be in danger if we don't get a move on, Penfold," Danger Mouse said.

"Are these houses made out of cards as well?"

"Penfold, be quiet and let's get to the car."

Danger Mouse and Penfold sat on their settee and it took them down to the Mark III. They drove out onto the London streets. Danger Mouse activated the wings to shoot out and they shot up in the air.

* * *

As they flew to Transylvania, Penfold was worried about their upcoming mission. "Chief, what do you know about these mysterious giant attacks?"

"Apart from the fact that they are mysterious and gigantic, nothing, Penfold," Danger Mouse replied.

"So how are we going to solve this mystery if we don't know more about it?"

"We'll figure it out on the mission."

"But, Chief, I still don't –"

"Penfold, shush."

* * *

Penfold remained silent until they arrived in Transylvania. They looked down to see if they could find any massive attacks.

"Keep your eyes peeled, Penfold," said Danger Mouse.

They looked below for a long while, but they couldn't find anything.

"Hey, Chief, I found something," Penfold finally said. "To the left!"

Danger Mouse turned the car left and tried to see what Penfold saw. He couldn't find it. "What did you see, Penfold? Not another pink cloud and you thought it was candy floss, was it?"

"Good heavens, Chief, no! Those deep holes look like the bottom of a giant."

"A giant what?"

"A giant's bottom," Penfold laughed. "Get it?"

"Penfold, sh – " Then Danger Mouse stopped himself when he saw how gigantic the holes were. He understood what Penfold was trying to say. He decided to fly down and park the car.

"Stay close, Penfold," Danger Mouse ordered. "We don't know what we're up against."

"How dangerous can two deep holes be?" Penfold asked.

"That's what we're going to find out."

Penfold shook nervously as he followed Danger Mouse.

* * *

Danger Mouse and Penfold arrived at the two holes.

"You check this hole out, Penfold," Danger Mouse said. "I'll check the other out."

"Ok, Chief." Penfold started to look at the hole as he walked around it. He couldn't find anything like a stone or a tree root, let alone a single clue to who could have done this hole. He slipped onto loose bit of soil and he fell down the hole.

"Oh, crumbs!" he cried. "Help! Help!"

Then he looked up to see figures at the top. They appeared to be a green duck, a parrot and a hen. And unfriendly.

Danger Mouse searched his hole for ages and found nothing.

"Help, Chief! Help!"

Those cries of help sounded like Penfold. Danger Mouse got up and ran to Penfold's hole. He was shocked to see his sidekick surrounded by a large hen, a parrot and a green duck. "Let my friend go right now!" he ordered.

"Or what?" The green duck turned around.

Danger Mouse was shocked. "Count Duckula?"

"Hey, how do you know my name?" Count Duckula asked. "I don't remember meeting you before in my life. How we met? Did you see my comedy routine act in the New York Square?"

"That was you?" Penfold cried.

"Yes, it was me," Duckula said proudly.

"I don't remember that," Penfold said.

"And it wouldn't be worth remembering anyway," the parrot muttered.

"We met loads of times, Count, and we fought loads of times," Danger Mouse said.

"But not this version," the parrot said.

"And you are?"

"This is Igor, my butler," Duckula said. "And this is my nanny, Nanny."

"How do you do?" Nanny asked.

"This Count Duckula is not the same Duckula you have been fighting in the previous life." Then Igor explained to Danger Mouse and Penfold how a vampire duck could be brought back to life after death when the moon was in the eighth house of Aquarius. When Igor and Nanny tried to bring Duckula back to life, the only thing that went wrong was when they put tomato ketchup instead of bad winged blood.

"So I am a vegetarian vampire duck," Duckula said. "And proud of it."

"So, if you didn't cause this, why are you three here?" Danger Mouse asked.

"I was bored sitting in my gloomy mansion and I wanted to do something exciting. So I came out to see if I could investigate something and I never found these holes before so I thought why not."

"I tried to give him a few reasons not to, but he never listens to me," Igor muttered.

"At least I've brought some sandwiches for the picnic," Nanny said.

Duckula looked at her. "What picnic?"

Then the ground shook and everyone fell down.

"What was that?" Duckula cried.

"Was it an earthquake?" Nanny asked.

"Or is it a rumbling monster?" Penfold asked.

"Everyone, shush!" Danger Mouse yelled. "I think it's that figure over there!"

Everyone looked up to see a giant figure covered by a dark cloak and carrying a giant sack approaching them.

"It's coming here!" Penfold cried.

"Don't just stand there!" Danger Mouse yelled. "Run for cover!"

They ran as fast as they could, but they were all picked up by a giant hand and was thrown into the giant sack that the other giant hand was holding.

"What's happening, Chief?" Penfold asked. "Where are we going?"

"I don't know, Penfold," Danger Mouse said. "All I hope is that it helps us with this mystery."

Nanny got out the sandwiches from her picnic basket. "And we won't go hungry."

Seeing as there was nothing else to do, they started to eat the sandwiches… slowly and not in a polite way.


	3. Strange Customers in Peckham

It was a very warm spring day in Peckham. Everyone was busy in the market and Derek Trotter was busy trying to sell shampoo to a whole of group of customers.

"All right, gather around. Don't crowd me. This shampoo here won't just make your hair smell like a bunch of lavenders or cherry blossoms," Del said. "It won't just make your hair grow longer, it'll make hair that you lost on your head come back. In a week, you can have hair like a mammoth, while still smelling like roses. A rose-smelling mammoth."

His customers laughed.

"You don't believe me, do you?" Del said. "Well, can I have a volunteer? Come on, let's have a volunteer to true that I'm not telling porkies." Then he saw a short man approached. "Ah, thank you, young sir."

"No, no, I wasn't volunteering," the man protested. "My brother Randy pushed me."

"Go on, Shorty," his brother Randy said. "You hair smells like a horse stable that hasn't been cleaned out in weeks."

Del sniffed Shorty's hair. "Phew! No, you hair doesn't smell like that, Shorty. It smells like a septic tank that hasn't been cleaned out in years." He had to laugh and so did the customers, except poor Shorty. Then he got on with his demonstration.

Del's younger brother Rodney was behind the stall looking after the shampoo.

"How's it going, Dave?"

Rodney knew who it was before he turned to face him. "All right, Trig?"

"Pretty nippy day, ain't it?" Trigger said.

"Nippy? It's twenty eight degrees today!"

"Really? I'm covered in liquid. I thought ice was melting on my face."

"Trig, that's not melting ice on your face. It's sweat."

"Sweat. But I ain't been to the gym today. It's a complicated world, ain't it, Dave?"

Rodney was about to point out to Trigger how wrong he was but the road sweeper continued with his job. Then Rodney looked ahead and he thought he saw someone with a grey moustache in a suit and a hat walking around the market. He was asking the other sellers a lot of questions. He thought he could be a police inspector as he was behaving like one. He didn't know what illegal things Del bought this time but he had a strong hunch this guy was after him. By the time he reached his older brother, Shorty had a Mount Everest of shampoo on top of his head.

"See? Smell his hair. Now doesn't it smell like a bunch of nice-smelling flowers? No, not a bunch. A whole florist shop. You keep this up for three weeks and you could be mistaken for Bigfoot." Then Del's shoulder was tapped. "What is it, Rodney? I was able to do the part where – "

"Del, I've seen someone who I think is an old bill," Rodney said.

"Where?" Del tried to see who Rodney was pointing at. "I can't see no copper uniform."

"No, it's a detective," Rodney said. "You see that guy wearing the short hat? Has a grey moustache? The one that looks like you?"

"Looks like me? If all this is a joke, Rodney, I'm gonna drown you in this shampoo-ooo-oo…" When Del looked again, he saw that someone that looked like him with a grey moustache. It was the hat made him think he was a detective.

He returned to the customers and told them to clear off while Rodney repacked the shampoo bottles in their suitcases.

"Can I go home now?" Shorty asked.

"How much are those bottles?" Randy asked. "Shorty will buy ten of them for me." And he walked off before Shorty could protest.

Del slammed ten shampoo bottles into Shorty's hands. "That will be thirty pounds."

"Thirty pounds?" Shorty tried to get his wallet out and while holding the shampoo bottles, but they flew out of his hands and so did his two ten pound notes.

"That's all the money I have, I swear," Shorty said.

"Well, you're short of…"

"Del, he's approaching us," Rodney warned.

Del saw he was right and then turned back to Shorty. "…nothing. Enjoy your shampoo."

Shorty picked up his wallet, his shampoo bottles and scrammed. The Trotters were about to leave themselves when…

"Excuse me, gentlemen."

They turned around to see the gentleman with the hat had caught up to them.

"Sorry, sir, we're finished for the day," Del said.

"At half ten in the morning?" the man asked. "You must be really early birds. Inspector Frost. I just want to ask you some questions before you go home and have your lunch."

"What can we help you with, Inspector?" Rodney asked.

"I'm on a big case, as big as your case over there." Frost had to laugh. Rodney had to laugh as well. Del was the only who couldn't see the funny side.

"Anyway, I'm trying to find some propane gas bottles that were nicked and dangerous of leaking," Frost said. "You wouldn't know anything about them would you, would you?"

That got Del worried as he was the one who made a deal to buy those dangerous illegal gas bottles and already sold them. "No, Inspector. I don't know who did. _Le thé est prêt,_ as the French say."

Rodney couldn't believe what Del said in French and in front of an inspector. Then there was a loud explosion at the end of the street.

"That could be them gas bottles," Rodney said.

After Frost turned around to run to the explosion, the Trotters ran in the other direction.

* * *

It didn't take Frost ten minutes to arrest the men who exploded the gas bottles. They were two bunglers in crime called Victor and Hugo. Frost cuffed them to a solid pipe, locked their parrot Interpol in a small cage and waited for the police to arrest them.

"Why did you light those gas bottles up, you moron?" Victor yelled at his younger brother.

"You said, 'Let's make like fire', so I lit them up to make fire," Hugo replied.

"I didn't mean it like that, you idiot!" Victor snapped. "They're not the only things you blew up. You also blew up one hundred pounds on them."

"But you told me to get them," Hugo protested back.

Frost tried to shut them up with a warning, but their bickering was louder and stronger. Luckily, he didn't have to wait long as Mullett and the rest of the police arrived. They escorted Victor and Hugo to the police cats.

"Frost, we got an attack at Porterhouse Blue," Mullett told him. "I need you to investigate."

"By myself?" Frost asked.

"No, you will be working with Detective Inspector Roy Slater." Mullett turned around. "And here he is."

Frost saw a man arrive.

"Detective Frost, I presume? I'm your new partner, DI Roy Slater. You couldn't get a better one."

Frost wasn't impressed with him at first sight, but discovering he had an arrogant personality really put him off.

* * *

When the Trotters got back to the flat, they found their Uncle Albert sitting on the floor with his eyes closed.

"What are you doing down there, you lazy old git?" Del asked.

Albert opened his eyes. "I was mediating."

"Mediating? You look like you're doing a number two."

"When did you ever mediate?" Rodney asked.

"When I was in the navy. It helped me reduce stress and now helps me with my brandy diet."

Del looked at the counter. "Is that why there are three brandy glasses on the counter?"

Uncle Albert looked ahead and saw the three glasses on the drinks counter. He quickly got up and ran to them.

"This is just what we need today, Rodney," Del muttered. "Rough customers, only twenty pounds earned and now we come here to sort out this old git."

"You call this stress?" Albert said.

"Well, what would you call stress?" Rodney demanded.

"During the war…"

"You just had to ask, didn't you, you plonker?" Del said.

"During the war, I was sailing around the Pacific Ocean and – "

Then the phone rang.

"Your ship sunk like all the others you've been one?" Del said as he made his way to the phone. "Yeah, great story, Unc." He answered it. "Hello? Trotter's Independent Traders. How can we help you? Hmm, yeah. Really? No problem. My partner and I will gather the stuff and we will deliver them to tomorrow. _Bonjour_." He put the phone down.

"What's the latest job?" Rodney asked.

"It's a delivery to Doncaster at a shop called Arkwright's," Del said. "Come on, let's gather the stuff."

"What are we delivering to them?"

"The fruit and vegetables and meat that we haven't been sold off for a while."

That shocked Rodney. "You mean all of them food that's been out of date for two months? Del, we can't sell – "

"Oh, shut up, you tart, and come help me!" Del snapped.

Rodney sighed as he followed his older brother.


	4. Looking to the Past

"Well, that was a waste of time," Slater moaned.

He and Frost had investigated Porterhouse College and found no evidence at all. Though Master James Skullion told and showed them all he could, there was still nothing to be found. However, when they searched in Skullion's office, Frost saw there was a collection of blue jewels in a small wooden bowl on the top of his desk. They were quite shining. They were the shiniest jewels he had ever seen.

"I see you're a jewel collector," he said to Skullion.

"Oh, yeah," Skullion said. "We have a horticulture class here and one of the students found them while he was planting spring onions."

"Ok, Frost," Slater said. "We're on a case, not a treasure hunt. Let's head back to London and do something useful with our time." He headed out of the office in a hurry.

"Thank you for your time, Mr. Skullion," Frost said, as he joined his partner in crime.

As soon as they got in the car and drove off back to London, Frost looked at the one jewel that he pinched from Skullion's office. They were so shiny that he found it hard to believe.

Then the radio called and he answered. "Yes, Superintendent Mullett?"

"We've had an attack in Kent and the Kent Police needs extra help," Mullett said.

Slater huffed but finally said, "Tell him we're on our way."

"Right away, Superintendent," Frost said.

* * *

When they arrived in Kent countryside, they found the Kent police and they joined them. They saw another large hole in a large field. They asked the Kent police what they already knew which was nothing except it was very deep.

Then Frost saw something in a different field close by. He decided to take a look and leave Slater to shout at the Kent police. He climbed over the fence and approached the middle of the field. It was what he thought it was: a huge giant hole.

"Excuse me?"

Frost turned around to see an old man and an old woman facing him. He got out his police badge. "Inspector Frost. Just checking this hole. When did this happen?"

"About thirty years ago," the man said.

"Thirty years ago?" Frost was confused.

"First of all, allow us introduce ourselves," the man said. "I'm Charlie Charlton and this is my wife Mariette."

"I know there are a lot of strange holes going on recently," Mariette said, "but this is not one of them, I promise you."

The Charltons took Frost in their house, made him a cup of tea and explained about the hole.

* * *

 _It all started in 1960 when Charlie and Mariette's son John turned two. Mariette's parents, Sydney and Florence Larkin or better known as Pa and Ma Larkin, along with their own children came to visit them to celebrate John's birthday._

 _"_ _What has happened in your garden?" Ma cried._

 _Everyone went out to see what she was crying out. It was a big hole in the garden._

 _"_ _It looks like a volcano just erupted," Pa said._

 _"_ _We don't know, Ma," Mariette said._

 _"_ _We didn't hear anything last night," Charlie said._

 _"_ _Well, there wasn't a storm last night," Petunia said._

 _"_ _And there was no bombing last night," Zinnia said._

 _"_ _But I know what we can do," Pa said. "It's big enough to be a swimming pool. We could do it for John's second birthday present."_

 _"_ _Swimming pool?" Charlie had to laugh. "He can't even walk let alone swim."_

 _"_ _But it will be ready for him when he is ready," Pa said._

 _Mariette and Charlie looked at each other and agreed to do it._

 _"_ _Perfick!" Pa said._

 _As they got to turning the hole into a swimming pool, their second oldest daughter Primrose found some green jewels. She tried to keep all of them, but Ma suggested that she gave some to John as she was the only who forgot to give him a present. Primrose decided to give him a few and he really like it. Everyone was amazed. At least it was better than the shirt the twins had made together._

* * *

"And our boy John has been swimming in it every day since he could swim," Charlie said. "He's qualifying to be an Olympic swimmer."

"So where is that swimming pool now?" Frost asked, as he finished his cup of tea.

"Well, he doesn't live with us anymore," Mariette said. "He's got his own place in Kent. He's earning money as a lifeguard in case his dream of becoming an Olympic swimmer doesn't do well."

"So we decided to break that pool up and plant some trees we've always wanted to plant," Charlie said. "Pa and Ma won't mind now that they've passed on."

Frost put his cup down. "When did they…"

"About three years ago," Mariette said sadly.

"Well, I'm very sorry. Have you got any of these green jewels? I'd like to take a look if possible."

As Charlie and Mariette went to find any, Frost tried to connect the dots. Everywhere there's a big hole, there were jewels. He wondered if it was diamond miners that were going out of business and if they were being desperate. Then when the Charltons arrived back, they showed them the green jewels. He took one and compared it with the blue one he took from Skullion's office. They were completely identical, save the colour. He tried to work it out until he heard Slater outside shouting his name.

"I got to go," Frost said to the Charltons. "Thank you for your time." He headed out of the house.

"Come on, Frost," Slater snapped. "We got another call from HQ. They want us to go to Doncaster. There is another large hole to investigate."

While Slater was frustrated with all this large hole business, Frost was delighted that he was making progress. He didn't want to share what he discovered with him because he still didn't feel like he could trust him, even if he liked him which he didn't.


	5. Welcome to Giant Country

Danger Mouse, Penfold, Duckula, Nanny and Igor had been trapped in the sack for a long time. It was uncomfortable enough without them flying up and down. They were feeling sick.

"Chief, I'm confused," Penfold said. "I feel hungry, but I don't feel like eating. I feel sick. What do I want?"

"How do _I_ know what _you_ want, Penfold?" Danger Mouse said. "Only you know what you want and only I know what I want. Right now, I want to get out of this bag."

"Me too," Duckula said. "In fact, I think I want to get out more than anyone else. I don't know how long we've been stuck in this bag, but I'm going crazy."

Igor got out a golden pocket watch out of his jacket pocket. "We've only been in here for fifteen minutes, Milord."

"Is that all, Igor? Well, I'm still going crazy!"

"What a load of fuss!" Danger Mouse muttered.

"Buzz, Chief?" Penfold cried. "Where are the bees? Where are they?"

"Fuzz, Penfold, not buzz!" Danger Mouse groaned. "There are no bees."

Then the bag opened up and they fell out. They landed on a wooden table but it was so gigantic. They looked around the room and saw it had giant shelves and giant glass ornaments. It was like they were in someone's house

"Where are we, Chief?" Penfold asked.

"No idea, Penfold," Danger Mouse said, "but wherever we are, someone big must live here."

"What, like a hippo?" Nanny asked.

"No, Nanny, don't be ridiculous," Duckula snapped. "It'll belong to a wood…"

"Monster?" Penfold guessed.

"…worm," Duckula finished.

Then there were heavy footsteps. Everyone turned to see a giant figure approaching them. It looked like an old human being only ten times bigger. "Now, then. What has us got here?"

"Run!" Danger Mouse yelled.

They all ran but was blocked off by one of the giant's hands.

"Here, now. Don't run off. I ain't gonna eat you."

"Are you talking to us?" Duckula asked.

"Yes, I ams. I'm the Big Friendly Giant. Or BFG, for short."

"Well, Mr. BFG, why have you brought us here?" Danger Mouse asked.

"And what were you doing outside my castle?" Duckula asked.

Nanny sniffed. "And what are you cooking?"

"I's cookin' snozzcumber soup," the BFG replied. "As for why I broughts you here, well, I was lookin' for some jewels. I discovered that some was last seen near your castle. Then you tooks a glimpse of me so I had to takes you with me."

"So you've been wrecking the Earth for these jewels?" Danger Mouse demanded. "Why are these jewels so important?"

"Well, the other giants wants 'em so they rule everythin'," the BFG replied. "I have to helps them find them or I will be in trouble." Then more footsteps were coming. The BFG put his tiny guests into a giant wooden bowl and put them on one of his massive shelves. "Don't make no noise," he warned them.

His tiny guests were about to ask why he was doing this when they saw that his home had guests. They were the Nine Man-Eating Giants. If they thought the BFG was terrifying enough, they were all trembling when they saw how the others were much bigger and scarier.

Penfold couldn't help trembling. "Oh, Chief!"

Danger Mouse covered his mouth up. "Quiet, Penfold. Everyone, be absolutely quiet. Like a… well, me."

"Like a 'well, you'?" Nanny asked. "What's a 'well, you'?"

"Nanny, you heard him, be quiet!" Duckula snapped.

The BFG was nervous as the Fleshlumpeater approached him and blocked at his table.

"Well, have yous founds them jewels yet?" he demanded.

"No," the BFG said. "I looked as hard as I coulds, but – "

"I don't want no excuses!" the Fleshlumpeater roared. "We wants those stones so we can rule eveythin'!"

"Yeah," agreed the Bloodbottler. "We can't rule anything without 'em."

"If you don't finds at least one of 'em next time you goes to Earth, we wills turn ya into a snozzcumber burger!" the Fleshlumpeater warned the BFG. "So find 'em!" Then he and rest of the Man-Eating Giants left the house.

The BFG took a deep breath before he brought his tiny guests down and put them back on the table. "You sees I ain't lyin'?"

"Yes, we do," Danger Mouse said.

"I wants to finds them myself," the BFG continued. "But not to rule everything. To makes sure that no one gets it and everythin' is safe from them."

"Then we must find them," Danger Mouse said.

"But how, Chief?" Penfold asked.

"I don't know, Penfold," Danger Mouse snapped. "This is where we have to use our heads."

"Use our heads?" Penfold said. "Like banging them into things?" He bumped his head on one of the BFG's wooden candle stick holder and fell asleep.

Danger Mouse was sort of glad that happened to Penfold so he and everyone could think about what to do next.


	6. Multiple Businesses in Multiple Places

"Blimey!"

"What's up with you now, you panicky git?" Del asked. He was driving the Trotter's van on the motorway on the way to Doncaster to deliver their produce to Arkwright's.

Rodney was looking out of the passenger's window. "There's a big hole in that field over there."

"So?"

"Am I to take it that you've not been reading or watching the news of these mysterious giant holes that are appearing all over the world, Del?"

"Yeah, I've heard of it," Del said. "Oh, you're not thinking that is one of them holes, are you?"

"No, I think they're just playgrounds safe enough for children to play," Rodney said. "Of course I think it's one of them holes."

"Well, that's just your imagination, Rodney," Del said. "Ah, here we are. Doncaster. Now no more daydreaming and get back to reality."

Rodney almost protested until he decided to just be quiet because he knew there was no point trying to reason with Del.

* * *

The Trotters finally arrived at Arkwright's.

Rodney had to yawn. "What a drive!"

"You haven't been driving all the way from Peckham, you lazy little twonk," Del Boy teased. "After we drop this stuff off, we'll have to go all the way back to Peckham. Now, come on."

The Trotters got out of their yellow van. Del left Rodney to unload the stuff out of the back door while he went into the shop. "Hello? Anyone home?"

Then an old man appeared behind the counter. "Oh, h-h-h-hello. I'm A-A-Arkwright. Are you T-t-trotter?"

"Del Trotter, yes. And I have the produce you want."

"Great." Then Arkwright turned around to the back. "G-G-Granville, come out-out-outside and h-h-h-help with this pro-prod-produce."

Then Del was amazed when he saw a young man that looked a lot like him approached past the counter. The young man was amazed as he was.

"Granville, s-stop g-g-gazing at that man and get y-y-your Hungarian b-b-backside going," Arkwright said.

"I'm moving my Hungarian backside faster than you can say it," Granville protested.

* * *

As Granville approached the Trotters' van, Rodney got out a big box and passed it to him. "Cheers, Del." Then he had a proper look at who he gave the box to. "Del? What are you dressed like that?"

"I know I look a lot like him but I'm not," Granville said. "The name's Granville."

"I'm Rodney," Rodney said. "That man who looks like you is my brother Del."

"Pleasure to meet you both." Granville really meant it. It was nice to see new people instead of seeing Arkwright and Nurse Gladys, Mrs. Featherstone, Mavis and Mrs. Blewett among the other regular customers at Arkwright's all the time.

"Now what have we got here?" Arkwright asked as Rodney and Granville brought the boxes in.

He went to see and inspect them.

"These look v-v-very good," Arkwright said. "For the p-p-price you s-s-suggested, Del Boy."

"How much, Del?" Rodney asked.

"Thirty pounds for the whole lot, Rodders," Del said. He pointed to Rodney before he could speak. "Not a word now or you'll be heading to the dentist urgently."

Granville looked at the produce. "Are you sure about this, Arkwright? I'm not sure if these soups will be accepted even by soup kitchens."

"Hey, e-e-enough of that Hun-Hungarian at-atutide, if you don't mind," Arkwright said.

"We're very honest and open-minded, us Hungarians," Granville protested. "We like to know about things and make sure they do good to people."

"Well, you know what g-g-good my fo-foot will do – do – do – "

"Do what?" Granville asked. "I don't have all day."

"If only you'd let me finished!" Arkwright snapped. "Just get a move on!"

"Follow me, Rodney."

Rodney followed Granville to the back of the shop.

Then the door opened. Del gasped as he saw it was the man he saw the other day. "Frost?"

Frost recognised Del as well. "What are you doing here, Trotter?"

"Doing some business with Arkwright here," Del said.

"Did I hear the name Trotter?"

Del recognised that as well. "Slater?"

And his fear was proved correct when Slater arrived in the shop. "Hello, Del. What are you doing here?"

"Business, Slater," Del said. "Business with Arkwright."

"That's 'Business, DI Slater' to you, Del," Slater warned. "And you're nicked."

"On what charge?" Del asked.

"For the charges of disrespecting an officer of the law and…"

Then everyone heard a yawning sound. They turned to see a man. He had a grey beard and he was dressed in bright red wizard's robes and pointy hat.

"I'm hungry," the man said.

"Well, if you're a wizard, can't you cook a meal for yourself?" Del had to laugh.

"Enough joking, Del," Slater warned.

"H-H-hold on, Inspector," Arkwright said. "Del might have a-a-a p-p-point here." Then he turned to the wizard. "If you are a wiz-wizard, why would you w-w-waste your time com-coming into shops?"

"That's not like you, Arkwright," Granville called from the back.

"St-stay out of this, G-G-Granville," Arkwright called back.

"Don't let the clothing fool you," the man in the wizard clothes said. "I'm not the best with magic."

"Are you sure you're all right, sir?" Slater asked. "Because I can give you a ride to the mental hospital."

"Slater, what are you doing?" Frost asked. "You can't – "

"I'm the superior and experienced officer here, Frost!" Slater roared. "So you can't tell me what I can or can't do."

"Oh, this is too much!"

Then everyone turned to see the old man snapping his fingers. Then everywhere went white.

* * *

Granville's head was spinning. Then he shook his head and looked ahead. He saw that he wasn't at Arkwright's anymore. He wasn't in a shop or inside a building at all. He was outside and it looked like it was some sort of market.

"Granville, there you are!"

Granville turned left to see Rodney approaching him. "Where are we, Rodney?"

"I have no idea."

"Rodney! Granville! There you are!"

They turned to see Del approaching them.

"Rodney, where the hell are we?"

"I don't know, Del," Rodney said.

Del turned to Granville. "What have you been hiding in your shop?" he demanded.

"It wasn't me or my shop," Granville protested. "The last thing I saw in the shop was that wizard clapping his hands."

Del scoffed until he saw Frost holding the wizard by the arm.

"It's true, Trotter," Frost said. "This man has confessed to teleporting to this place wherever the hell this is."

"Well, this is not Peckham, I can be sure of that," Del said, looking around. "This looks like Cornwall."

"It's not. You're not on Planet Earth anymore."

"What do you mean?" Frost demanded. "Who are you? Where the hell are we? And why have you brought us here?

"My name is Rincewind and we're in Discworld."


	7. Plan to Attack or Attack to Plan

The BFG and his new friends had been trying to figure out how to find these jewels before the Man-Eating Giants could and rule the universe, but they came up with no ideas. They did come up with ideas, but none of them were really good ideas. The best Penfold could up with was to look for giant jewels which was not the jewels they were looking for at all. Duckula's best idea was to find some food because he was hungry but not hungry enough to eat one of the BFG's vegetables. The look of them made him feel less hungry actually. And Nanny's best idea was to wait until the jewels come to them instead of them going to find the jewels.

Then Danger Mouse had an idea. "Are there any others who know about these jewels apart from you and your Man-Eating Enemies?"

"Well, I do have a friend on Discworld," the BFG said. "I don't know if he's after these jewels or even knows about 'em, but he could help us. He's a wizard."

"I've got a good idea," Penfold said.

"Then why don't we go to Disc-Planet and ask for his help?" Duckula said.

"Hey, it was my idea!" Penfold cried.

"Well, I thought of it first!" Duckula protested.

"Everyone's bes quiet!" the BFG said. "We've got company!"

Then they heard footsteps approaching. The BFG picked up his friends and sneaked out of the back of his home. He hid behind the back door as he watched the Man-Eating Giants passed by.

"Where is he?" the Fleshlumpeater demanded. "Find him!"

The BFG made sure they were out of sight before he slowly turned around, jumped into the air and flew to Discworld with his friends.

* * *

"So let me get this straight," Rodney said. "We are on a flat planet on a flying turtle in space and…"

"You forgot the fact that this world is being held by elephants above the turtle," Rincewind said. "This is my home."

"But why did you bring us here?" Frost demanded.

"Well, I'm after those jewels you got, Frost," Rincewind said. "I had to teleport back here urgently. I didn't mean to bring you all with me. As I said, I'm not the best with magic."

"Yeah, I'm sure we're more magically powerful than you!" Del snapped sarcastically.

"Why do you need these jewels?" Rodney asked.

"These jewels are very powerful," Rincewind explained. "They have the power to either protect the universe or control it. There are these giants who want to grab them and rule everything. I'm after them myself to make sure they don't succeed."

"How many are there?" Rodney asked. "And how many do you have now?"

"Well, I have three jewels," Rincewind said. "The two Frost found and a red one I found very close to Toad Hall. I need two more."

"And have you checked if they're on this world?" Granville asked.

"I did," Rincewind said. "And, no, they're not. And I've searched the whole universe for them."

"Oh, well, that's just great," Del said. "What do we do now? Except them to land on this world?"

Then a huge shadow over took them. They saw that everyone in the market was screaming and running. Del, Rodney, Granville and Frost nearly joined them but they all saw Rincewind didn't move an inch.

"What are you stopping for?" Del asked. "You're not surrounded by walls."

"This is my friend," he said.

His new friends looked to see an old giant land in front of him.

"Hey, BFG!" Rincewind cried.

"Hey, Rincewind!" the BFG cried. "How is you doin'?"

"Well, I've found three jewels," Rincewind said. "I'm only missing two."

"Missin' no more!" The BFG reached into his pocket and produced a mouse, a hamster, a duck, a parrot and a hen.

"They all look cute," Rincewind said, "but it's jewels we need."

The BFG looked at his hand and saw what Rincewind meant. He put his friends down and went into his pocket again. This time he brought some jewels.

Rincewind took them and inspected them. He looked impressed. "These are the ones," he said happily.

"You had those jewels the whole time?" Duckula snapped.

"The only reason I didn't say nothin' was because of those giants," the BFG said. "I once sung my cookin' song and they show up for meal. They left me no scrap for me."

"Right, well, now let's hide them somewhere those giants can't find them," Danger Mouse said.

Then more giant shadows overtook them.

"Too late," Igor said. "They must have followed us."

"Follow me, everyone," Rincewind said. Then he ran.

"Why can't you just magic us there?" Rodney called.

"I don't have the power or time to risk such a thing," Rincewind called back. "Now, come on!"

His friends didn't know what else to do so they followed him with the terrifying giants after them.


	8. Running from Nine Leaning Towers of Pisa

"How long do we have to keep on running?" Granville panted.

"Don't you have any magic at all to use magic those giants away or even magically slow them down?" Frost asked.

"Why? You're not getting out of breath already?" Rincewind asked.

"We have been running through this forest for who knows how many hours!" Rodney complained.

"To me, it feels like we've ran more than two full bloody marathons!" Del complained.

They were all running through a huge forest with tall trees. Despite their tallness, they were not half as big as the giants that were still on their tails. Not to mention the ground was rocky and hilly making them hard to run on. They had lost count on how long they had been running and they were getting more tired the further they ran. The giants behind them weren't helping either.

"What's the name of this forest, Rincewind?" Frost asked.

"I don't know," Rincewind said.

"But you grew up and lived on this world!" Rodney snapped.

"But that doesn't mean I know every bit of it," Rincewind said. Then he sighed heavily. "All right! I'll use some magic to try to slow them down." He turned around and pointed his finger to the biggest tree. It immediately fell down and just in time for the giants to trip over.

"No time to celebrate. Just because I've slowed them down doesn't mean things are going nice and smoothly." Rincewind pointed upwards. "You see that tower up there?"

Everyone looked up to see a stony tower on its own on the top of a big nearby hill.

"That's where we're taking those jewels?" Frost asked.

"No," Rincewind said. "That tower contains something like a light beacon."

"A light beacon?" Del gasped. "We're running as fast as we can from nine leaning towers of Pisas just to put on a display?"

"It's a magical beacon that can blow the giants away, duh. The jewels are going somewhere hidden that even you guys can't follow me."

His friends were shocked to hear that.

"You're leaving us to climb up to the tower and fight those giants?" Granville cried.

"All you have to do is light a beacon," Rincewind said. "The sooner I sort these jewels out, the better. I'll come back to you whenever I can. Don't let me down." He clicked his fingers and vanished.

The BFG turned around to see their giant enemies were getting back on their feet. Then he had an idea. He picked up his friends in his hands and he started to run to the hill. "Just pickin' the pace up."

"Good idea, BFG!" Duckula cried.

* * *

They managed to reach the stony tower. After the BFG put his friends down to the ground, they started to inspect it. It was only ten foot and there was no hole on it with the exception at the very top under the red slate roof.

"That must be where the light beam goes out, if it is there and it works," Frost said.

They found a green door and they tried to open but it was really stuck. It wasn't even locked.

"Do you think it's a password kind of door?" Granville suggested.

"Look around, Granville," Del said. "Do you see a keypad?"

"He means a magical password, not a keypad, you plonker," Rodney said. Then he looked up. "How about climbing up it?"

"Good idea, Rodders," Del said. "Off you go."

"Me? On my own?"

"Do I look like a climber to you?"

"No, you look like a sack of mouldy potatoes," Rodney said sarcastically.

Del tried to charge for him, but Frost got in the way.

"Now, now, children," he said firmly. "There will be plenty of time for fighting each other until we've fought the giants."

Then they heard some grunting on the tower. They turned to see Granville starting to climb up their tower.

"You're sure you're up to this, Granville?" Frost asked.

"Well, I've not had any training but this is something I've always wanted to do and we can't waste any more time."

"Well, best of luck, Granville," Frost said. "We'll buy you some time."

"Buy him some time?" Penfold asked. "How much will it cost?"

"What Frost means, Penfold, is to distract the giants while Granville lights this beacon inside," Danger Mouse explained.

"And what are we going to distract them with?"

"How about a stand-up show?" Duckula suggested. "Or we could to do a circus? Or we could just – "

"Shush," Danger Mouse said.

"Yeah. Or we could just shush." Then the vampire duck realised what he said. "Shush? How can we – "

"Shush!" Frost snapped. "We must listen out for the giants."

So everyone kept their eyes and ears out for the giants. They weren't quite in range yet for either, but the sounds and rumbling was starting to get rougher by the second.


	9. Floating Giants

It was a touch climb, but Granville managed the inside of the top room of the tower. He felt very proud of himself. Something like this was something he had always wanted to do his whole life and he felt better for accomplishing it. Then he looked around the room and discovered that Rincewind was right. There was only a giant glass with a candle on it; there was nothing else. _This must be the light beacon Rincewind meant,_ Granville thought. _Well, it must be because there's nothing else like it._

There was no matches or bits of wood to rub together to light it. The harder he looked for it, the more desperate he became. He didn't need to hear or feel those giant footsteps getting rougher by the minute.

Then he heard a difference noise. He looked down to see it was screaming coming from Danger Mouse and Penfold as they fell out of his apron and into the candle.

"What were you two doing in me apron?" Granville demanded.

"Well, Penfold here didn't feel like facing giants so I thought we could help you find a way to light the candle."

"Well, I do appreciate the help, but I've looked around and found nothing but damp and dusty rocks. See if you can find anything better." Granville continued with his searching.

Danger Mouse looked at the candle and around the room where Granville was still searching to no avail. Then he tripped over a loose rock. It hurt him but then it gave him an idea. So did Penfold's glasses. "Penfold, your glasses could do with a bit of polishing. May I?"

"But my glasses are fine," Penfold protested. But they were yanked off anyway.

Danger Mouse would have been careful not to damage Penfold's glasses with the loose rock if the rumbling of the giants approaching weren't getting rougher by the minute.

* * *

The giants finally caught up to the tower.

The Fleshlumpeater chuckled. "Nice try, you pathetic freaks, but no medal! Now, give us the jewels or we'll stomp you!"

"Never!" Frost snapped.

"Well, it's your choice!" the Fleshlumpeater said. He signaled his gang to join them to squash their opponents, but they stopped when a blue light overtook them.

* * *

Danger Mouse and Penfold were caught in the blue light themselves. After the mouse managed to light the candle with his assistant's now-broken glasses, they were shot out of the glass. They would have flown out of the tower if Granville didn't grab them. Then he tried to open the door but it was jammed. He kicked it and they could finally escape.

* * *

"I can't move!" the Childchewer said.

"Why aren't we movin'?" asked the Bonecrusher.

"Just shut up and get movin'!" the Fleshlumpeater snapped.

Then they did start to move – only upwards, not forwards. The blue light was picking them up from the ground and aiming them to the sky as if it was a cannon. Then, further more like a cannon, they were shot up into the sky and vanished into the stars.

The others on the ground were delighted to see their mission was successful. Then they turned to see the green door being kicked down. Out emerged Granville with Danger Mouse and Penfold.

"Well, did it work?" Granville asked.

"Well, we got rid of the giants," Frost said.

"But what about Rincewind and them important jewels?" Rodney asked.

Then Rincewind appeared in a flash. "The jewels are secured. And I see that you've blown those pesky giants away. Well done!"

Everyone cheered.

"Where did you put the jewels, Mr. Rincewind?" Nanny asked.

"That's confidential," Rincewind said.

"You destroyed them, didn't you?" Rodney asked.

Rincewind appeared shocked to hear that. "What the hell gave you that idea?"

"Well, if those jewels are as powerful as you say they are and the whole universe is doomed if they fall into wrong hands, why not destroy them so it doesn't fall into the wrong hands?"

"What you're forgetting, Rodney, is that they also protect the universe as well," Rincewind said. "So I secure them somewhere so secret that only I can find them and no one else."

"You see, Rodney? Use your head, you plonker," Del teased.

Rodney just shook his head.

"Well, thank you all for your help to save the whole of the whole universe," Rincewind said. "Now the jewels are safe and secure, I will now send you back to your home planet. Take care now." He snapped his fingers and his friends all vanished.


	10. Everything Back to Normal

Granville felt a pounding headache as he regained his conscious. He found himself back at the boring Arkwright's shop in Doncaster with his pragmatic, miserable uncle stuttering at him.

"Wh-wh-wh-what's up with you, Granville?" Arkwright asked. "You lo-look like you've just la-la-landed back on E-E-Earth."

"Well, funny you should mention that," Granville said, "because I have been – "

"D-D-Daydreaming," Arkwright said. "Yes, I know how la-laidba-back you Hungarians get."

"Well, that just shows you what we Hungarians are capable of," Granville said. "You won't believe where I've been and what heroic things I've done." Then he explained what he did on Discworld to save the universe from the man-eating giants.

"You're right, Granville," Arkwright said. "I d-d-do – I do – "

"You do believe me." Granville knew Arkwright didn't; he just said that to wind his uncle up.

"Do not!" Arkwright snapped. "Now s-s-shut up and d-d-dust the bread!"

Granville grabbed his feather duster and started to dust the bread. He waited for his uncle to go to the back of the shop. Then he stole a bread roll and ate it to get back at him. He only hoped Arkwright wouldn't spot him, as he would take money out of it.

* * *

Frost found it hard to believe that he was back in London. He was back in his police station and at his desk.

"Excuse me, Inspector."

Frost spun his chair around to see PC Ernie Trigg next to him.

"Superintendent Mullett wishes to see you immediately," Trigg told him.

Frost made his way to Mullett's office.

"How are you, Frost?" his boss asked.

"Got a headache, sir, but I'm not complaining."

"If it's from that Slater, you don't have to worry about him. He's serving in HMP Slade in Cumberland."

"Why? What for?"

"For being a dickhead, trying to arrest citizens for no reason and not paying attention to the mission you and he was given to. Now, did you have any better luck finding out who it was caused those holes?"

Frost thought long and hard about whether to tell the truth or not. It would be the truth to him, but he had no evidence to prove it and he wondered if Mullett and the others would only find him crazy. So he finally decided to say, "No, sir. I looked into it as hard as I could but I couldn't find anything except soil, stones and broken pieces of pottery."

"Then I'm afraid we shall have deem this mystery unsolved," Mullett said. "All right, Frost. Back to your desk. Ton of paperwork to do."

"Yes, sir," Frost said, as he confusingly headed back to his desk.

* * *

The BFG was feeling very joyous when he finally returned to his home safe and sound. Though he wasn't sure whether he had lost the giants for good or if they might be back, he decided to use the time to enjoy the freedom of walking through Giant Country without the pressure of them bullying him.

* * *

Danger Mouse and Penfold found themselves back at their headquarters. Then the screen came on and they saw Colonel K's face.

"The mission was a success, Colonel," Danger Mouse reported. "We found the giants that caused those holes, what they were after and stopped them from taking control of the universe."

"Good show, DM," Colonel K said. "Now, get some rest. You all deserve it."

"Thank you, sir."

Then the screen went off.

"So, what shall we do to relax, sir?" Penfold asked.

"Well, why don't you get some cookies and milk, Penfold?" Danger Mouse suggested.

"Oh, what a good idea!" Penfold scurried off into the kitchen.

"And I'll just mediate."

But before he could even do that, the alarm went off and Colonel K appeared on the screen again. "DM, we need you urgently. Someone called Angelmouse needs your help to solve another tough mystery."

Danger Mouse wanted a rest but he knew being the world's greatest secret agent wasn't going to have a lot room for luxury. "We're on it immediately, sir." Then he turned to Penfold. "Come on, Penfold! We got another mission! And no moaning!"

Penfold just did as he was told silently and got on the settee heading down to the car.

* * *

Count Duckula found himself back in his castle with Igor and Nanny. He felt feel relieved after all of those giant adventures.

"Wow! It's good to be back," Duckula said. "Igor, let's get a fire going. Nanny, I'll have my hot cocoa and biscuits now."

"Right away, sir," Igor said.

"Okay, Duckyboos," Nanny said. Then she walked through the wall, missing the door as usual.

For once in his life, Duckula didn't mind her doing that because it meant everything was back to normal.

* * *

Del and Rodney were amazed to find themselves in the Nag's Head.

"Everything all right, you two?"

The Trotter brothers turned around to see their Uncle Albert sitting down at a table with their friends Trigger, Boyice, Denzil, Mickey Pearce and Mike Fisher.

"Yeah, everything's great," Del said.

"Where have you been?" Albert asked. "You've both been gone for three whole days."

"Yeah, you really had us worried," Denzil said.

"And now my phone bills has risen like molehills from trying to call you," Boyice complained.

"You wouldn't believe us if we told you," Rodney said.

"Try us," Mickey said.

Del and Rodney told them about how they were abducted by a magical wizard who took him to a flat planet on a flying turtle in space and they fought man-eating giants to save the universe.

"Wow!" their friends teased.

"Wow," Trigger said slowly and clueless.

"I believe your story, boys," Albert said. "It reminded me of the time when I was…"

"Want a drink, guys?" Mike asked. "On the house."

"Sure," everyone said, getting up and going to the bar. Only Trigger stayed behind to listen to Albert's war stories.

* * *

Back on Discworld, Rincewind was practicing his magic by trying to make a short person grow taller and thinner, but instead he shrunk her into the size of an ant and made her as fat as a hippopotamus.

"Oh, well, mistakes and lessons, I guess," he chuckled.

THE END

* * *

 **CAST LIST**

 **David Jason Characters**

Live Action

 **Del Boy Trotter** (from _Only Fools and Horse_ )

 **Inspector Jack Frost** (from _A Touch of Frost_ )

 **Granville** (from _Open All Hours_ )

 **Pa Larkin** (from _The Darling Buds of May_ )

 **Shorty Mepstead** (from _Lucky Feller_ )

 **Sullion** (from _Porterhouse Blue_ )

 **Rincewind** (from _Discworld_ )

Animation

 **Danger-Mouse** (from _Danger-Mouse_ )

 **Count Duckula** (from _Count Duckula_ )

 **The BFG** (from _The BFG_ )

 **Mr. Toad/Chief Weasel/Billy Rabbit** (from _The Wind in the Willows_ )

 **Hugo** and **Interpol** (from _Victor and Hugo_ )

 **Non David Jason Characters**

Live Action

 _Only Fools and Horses_

Nicholas Lyndhurst as **Rodney Trotter**

Buster Merryfield as **Uncle Albert Trotter**

Roger Lloyd-Pack as **Trigger**

John Challis as **Boyice**

Paul Barber as **Denzil**

Kenneth MacDonald as **Mike Fisher**

Jim Broadbent as **DI Roy Slater**

 _A Touch of Frost_

Bruce Alexander as **Superintendent Norman Mullett**

Arthur White as **PC Ernie Trigg**

 _Open All Hours_

Ronnie Barker as **Arkwright**

 _The Darling Buds of May_

Pam Ferris as **Ma Larkin**

Philip Franks as **Charlie Charlton**

Catherine Zeta-Jones as **Mariette Charlton**

 **Primrose Larkin**

 **Monty Larkin**

 **Petunia Larkin**

 **Zinnia Larkin**

 **Victoria Larkin**

 **Oscar Larkin**

 **John Charlton**

 _Lucky Feller_

Peter Armitage as **Randy Mepstead**

Animation

 _Danger-Mouse_

 **Penfold**

 **Colonel K**

 _Count Duckula_

 **Igor**

 **Nanny**

 _The Wind in the Willows_

 **Mole**

 **Ratty**

 **Badger**

 **Henchman Weasel**

 _The BFG_

 **The Man-Eating Giants**

 _Victor and Hugo_

 **Victor**

 **CREDITS**

Written by Bobby South

 _Only Fools and Horses_ created and written by John Sullivan

 _A Touch of Frost_ created and written by R. D. Wingfield

 _Open All Hours_ created and written by Roy Clarke

 _The Darling Buds of May_ created and written by H. E. Bates

 _Lucky Feller_ created and written by Terence Frisby

 _Porterhouse Blue_ adapted by Malcolm Bradbury, based on the novel by Tom Shapre

 _Discworld_ created and written by Sir Terry Pratchett

 _Danger Mouse, Count Duckula_ and _Victor and Hugo_ created by Brian Cosgrove and Mark Hall.

 _The Wind in the Willows_ adapted by Cosgrove Hall, based on the novel by Kenneth Grahame.

 _The BFG_ adapted by John Hambley and Cosgrove Hall, based on the novel by Roald Dahl.


End file.
